so it was 11:00 at night and someone is knocking on the door... thinking, who the hell would be here at this time of night.....as I opened the door, there was my girlfriend holding 2 kittens, a dark calico and a light calico...I took both kittens and walked into the livingroom where my son was sitting, watching a movie...right away we both picked the darker calico of the 2..she's fast asleep in my lap at this minute...and I have been racking my brain trying to come up with an original name for her.... so Does anyone have any ideas,as to a name for the little cutie?

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To All the Mothers here at BFH!!!

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Pick-up lines you might want to avoid using at the local biker bar!

1. If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?

2. I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.

3. If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!

4. How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?

5. I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face.

6. You are so fine that I'd eat your shit just to see where it came from.

7. My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.

8. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like spaghetti. Let's go fuck.

9. Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love to tap that ass!

10. If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, could I meet you between the holidays?

11. You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you!

12. Your parents must be retarded, because you are special.

13. Could I touch your belly button . . . from the inside?

14. I'm not too good at algebra, but doesn't U+I = 69?

15. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.

16. Guy: "Would you like to dance?"
 Girl: "I don't care for this song and surely wouldn't dance with you."
 Guy: "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants"

17. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.

18. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?

19. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.

20. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

21. Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, yield?

22. I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this motel room.

23. Wanna play Pearl Harbor?....Its a game where I lay back while you blow the hell out of me.

24. Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.

25. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

26. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

27. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

28. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

29. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

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Ok...now I suppose there will be some, "wtf's", "omg's" and possibly some "oh I can't read any farthers"but I have been here nearly a month and I have seen that people here have a sense of humor some a little more twisted than the rest(which is how I am) so, I figure some just might get a chuckle out of this...I don't have a problem sharing life experiences (stories)with people. Life happens no matter how twisted or fucked up at the time...
There I was one early afternoon, looking at my husband(ex now)he was saying how he wanted to go to the local adult toy store and see what they have.With a raised eyebrow I said,"why would you want to go there."Shrugging my shoulders, I said ok fine....
There we were looking at the variety of novelty items in every shape, size and color. Some things I had seen before and so it didn't phase me. Other things I looked at and just simply laughed because there was no way I was even going to ask how the hell some of these things worked or why someone would want that particular item put in places that were never exposed to sunlight.
Here comes my husband, smiling and all proud of himself because he made the purchase that he figured would rock my world...
Returning home I went about picking up dirty laundry from his side of the bed and starting the washer, and the dishwasher. With the children at Friends houses for the weekend,it was just he and I and I knew he was wanting to show me his find of the century...
Walking into the bedroom...my jaw dropped,my eyes,I'm sure were as big as half dollars.Frst words out of my mouth were,"what the hell are you doing?"He is sitting on the edge of the bed naked as the day he was born with this cylinder thing in his hand,with what looked like a blood pressure bulb attached to one end of this clear cylinder... trying not to laugh because I knew that would just cause an issue, I stood there and watched as he demonstrated his new found talent with this contraption...he puts the "dick enlarger" on his dick and starts pumping the bulb as the suction takes hold he is pleased with himself that he was able to maneuver the device so well...
Just as I was about to say,I wouldn't go pumping that thing up to much", he looked at me with this look of sheer terror as his hand let go of the bulb, there was this sucking pop sound that was so loud I was sure that the neighbors could have heard it!... not only was his dick enlarged, a pale color of purple, but on the right side of the cylinder was hi nut. He had produced so much pressure that the thing sucked his nut up inside. It was  flatly pressed against the side...Now at this point, I am trying my damndest not to laugh, not to show  any kind of enjoyment of his vainness,but as I regained my composure, he flew back on the bed,at the sight of his nut being in the predicament it was in... his hands  griping his hair, he starts screaming... get this thing off of me... well fuck if I didn't lose all muscle control from the hysterical fits of laughter that had hit me... I was crying,I was  laughing so hard....on the floor, on my side, just laughing to the point where there was no air to be found... "stop fucking laughing at me and help get this thing off of me."So at this point he regains some strength to get up and begins twisting the valve on the bulb that is "suppose" to release the pressure. Well it didn't release the pressure and he starts pulling on the thing to get it off of his now dark purple dick and right nut...I sit up and try not to look so that I don't start laughing all over again... I'm up on my feet and am making great effort to walk toward him in a compassionate way and tone considering predicament, when he starts hitting the cylinder,which with each strike changes his expression and facial color. I  back away, there went all self-control and compassion, I was laughing so hard my ribs felt like they were going to break. "stop fucking laughing and help me get this fucking thing off of me!"  I couldn't get up, I couldn't breathe...I was thinking to myself, who the hell would put something like that on their dick and take the chance of it ripping a nut off or out because the "user" didn't take the time to read the 2 pages of instructions." I was looking up from the floor at the purpleness of his "stuff" when all of a sudden there was a popping release of pressure and a grunt of relief from the husband. I raised myself up on one elbow and looked to see him sitting there with the dick enlarger in his hand, he throws it on the floor and with a heavy sigh, lays back on the bed, pale and sweating from his ordeal. Quietly I ask, "was it suppose to do that?" I heard a quiet yet stern "fuck you"  .... Moral to this story... Well I would think there would be several morals to this story... one being .. "Read the instructions before attempting to use this device"

Have a Great Day!... LOL

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Thinking back to all the stories my Grandfather told me, I never really realized what it meant to me when my Grandfather told me that he worked at the Indian Motorcycle Factory, after the war. Later in life meeting up with several Indian Riders at a local mom and pop store... it hit me.. the pride...knowing that these original machines were putting together by my Grandfather. I stood there for several moments talking to these gentlemen about "Ralph" when one of the men spoke up and said,"you wouldn't happen to mean "Red" would you?" With a big smile on my face he knew,without a doubt that i was talking about my grandfather. We talked for a while longer about Red and where it all started. We said our good-byes and parted ways. As I stood there smiling... knowing that Ralph "Red" had worked on those bikes in the Indian Factory back in his day. I was proud. Indian holds a special place in my heart.... More later....

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Forgive

She wears her heart like a worn shirt close to her but tattered

Trying to find her way down rough roads, pain leaves her shattered

Following the unseen compass that guides her, through turbulent waters and wild under toe

Clinging to the dreams and thoughts of a life she has yet to know

Knowing there is someone pushing, guiding never letting the wanting show

The lure of the promises made in the dark.. haunt her dreams, keeping her closed to the treasures of bliss

To know the touch, passion. of a gentleman’s kiss

Tortures is all her spirit knows, a familiar creature

Dragging along with her, the years of baggage that threaten her future

The tide of life have left their marks, hard and rough are the words that fall from her lips

Distain is her driving force, her words cut deep as she takes long ravaged sips

Whirling are the memories...the earth trembles beneath her, opening a fiery hell...

Showing a scene, horrified ,to see her life played out before her, like the angered oceans swell

Her fingers tangled in her hair, she screams for the answers, all the while knowing to beware

Fighting back the tears and sorrow, catch in her throat, a rapid pace, like a rabbit in a snare

On bended knees, she grieves for that child that cried in the dark, to young to understand the pain

Seeing later in her life the screams that she bottled, letting them go on deaf ears, cry in vane

Time has fallen hard upon her, she stands alone, she feels in fight to make things right

Claiming the indifference has made their mark, took their way, closing her eyes, losing sight

The day finally came, a stranger, yet familiar to her, showed her the path to higher power and insight

Told of the wrongs of them that hurt, control and bid to do her misleading deeds, open your wings child take flight

See the road to healing is forgiveness of self, the hardest of demons to slay

Take the pain and create a better tomorrow, for you have the gift of a new day
2005(c)

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Mother lullaby

Reflecting shimmers of the setting sun dance on the ocean

Standing there I feel the soft winds drift across the water

As my mind wonders off, swaying my body flows with emotion

To be a small part of such a wonderful creation as this, mother earth

Every grain of sand has a different face, the rock and soil a separate place

We don’t realize the gift we were bestowed, to know and understand her worth

Bending to touch the sands beneath my feet, the texture tickles my senses

A hawk fly’s it’s freedom flight as though it were it’s last, floating on high

Looking over the horizon there are no buildings, man made things, no fences

Nothing to hold in the creatures, great and small that we share our world with

Greater are the gifts that we all over look from day to day, wonders untouched

Most going about their ways living a lie, or believing in a man told myth

Listen carefully to her song, she tells us her woeful plight of mans coldness

You will see her tears fall as she tells her tale, of this great creation

Slowing the destruction of this wondrous place, to stop all the harshness

Cradle her in loving mothers arms, sing to her this heart felt soothing song

Of days when waters flowed pure, prairies were endless, life of simple was bliss

A braves cry echoed through the valleys low, of all that was once here, sighs long

Give back to Mother Earth what you take, share with all, her sweet bounty

It is here for all to enjoy, to live and breathe the ways, and riches once more

She cries, for she knows it is fading fast, this endless feeding frenzy, on her beauty

Walk in the steps of them before you, remember their sweet whimsical lullaby

Look to the heavens and know there is a purpose, we are here together, in unity

The simplest sign of mother earths treasures, the fire hues in a butterfly’s beauty

Drink from the waters and remember her tails, the songs of creation that made us care
2005(c)

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Q: Why do tampons have strings?
A: Cause it's always good to floss after you eat!

Q: Why do hippo's have sex underwater?
A: How else are you going to keep a 400 lb pussy wet?



Q: How do you turn a city girl into a cotton picker?
A: Cut her tampon string.



Q: What's the definition of a vagina?
A: The box a penis comes in.



Q: Why do we have orgasms?
A: How else would we know when to stop?



Q: Can you use indefinitely in a sentence?
A: When your balls are slapping up against her
ass, you're in...definitely!



Q: What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
A: They are both used as substitute meat.



Q: What is good on pizza but bad on pussy?
A: Crust



Q: What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth?
A: Glad he ate her!



Q: What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down and/or use a better lubricant.



Q: What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
A: Both can smell it but can't eat it.



Q: What is the definition of wicker box?
A: It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna.

Q: Why is pubic hair curly?
A: If it was straight, it would poke your eyes out.



Q: Why do men like big tits and tight pussy?
A: Because they've got big mouths and little dicks.



Q: What's the definition of "Indecent"?
A: When it's in long, in hard, an in deep, it's in decent.



Q: What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?
A: You can eat your Mom's apple pie.



Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
A: You push it to the side before you start eating.

Q: What is the similarity between a woman and
Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A: By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs,
all you have left is a greasy box to pop your bone in.

Q: What's the difference between a pick pocket and
a peeping Tom?
A: A pick pocket snatches watches.



Five fleas are sitting in a woman's pubic hairs. Two are
smoking pot.
Q: What are the other three doing?
A: Sniffing crack.



Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed ???
A: A cherry float.



Q: What should you do if a pretty girl sits down on your hand?
A: Try to get her off!



Q: What's the difference between a golf ball and a woman's G-spot?
A: A guy will take twenty minutes to look for a golf ball.



Q: Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters
will improve your sex life?
A: Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything

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JUST A BIKER

I saw you hug your purse closer to you in the grocery store line. But

you didn't see me put an extra $10.00 in the collection plate last Sunday.

I saw you pull your child closer when we passed each other on the

sidewalk. But you didn't see me playing Santa at the local mall.

I saw you change your mind about going into the restaurant when you saw my

bike parked out front. But you didn't see me attending a meeting to

raise more money for the hurricane relief.

I saw you roll up your window and shake your head when I rode by. But you didn't see me riding behind you when you flicked your cigarette butt out the car window.

I saw you frown at me when I smiled at your children. But you didn't see me, when I took time off from work to run toys to the homeless.

I saw you stare at my long hair. But you didn't see me and my friends

cut ten inches off for 'Locks of Love'.

I saw you roll your eyes at our leather jackets and gloves. But you didn't see me and my brothers donate our old ones to those that had none.

I saw you look in fright at my tattoos. But you didn't see me cry as my

children where born or have their name written over and in my heart.

I saw you race down the road in the rain. But you didn't see me get soaked to the skin so my son could have the car to go on his date.

I saw you change lanes while rushing off to go somewhere. But you didn't

see me going home to be with my family.

I saw you, complain about how loud and noisy our bikes can be. But you didn't see me when you were changing the CD and drifted into my lane.

I saw you yelling at your kids in the car. But you didn't see me pat my

child's hands knowing she was safe behind me.

 I saw you reading the newspaper or map as you drove down the road. But you didn't see me squeeze my wife's leg when she told me to take the next turn.

I saw you run the yellow light just to save a few minutes of time. But you didn't see me trying to turn right. I saw you cut me off because you needed to be in the lane I was in. But you didn't see me leave the road. I saw you,

waiting impatiently for my friends to pass.

But you didn't see me.   I wasn't there.....

I saw you go home to your family. But you didn't see me. Because I died

that day you cut me off. I was just a biker;  A person with friends and a

family.    But you didn't see me.....

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