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> After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
> Target.
>
> Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
> get in and get out.
>
> Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to
> browse.
> Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
> Target.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dear Mrs. Cubby,
>
> Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
> commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been
> forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.
> Cubby are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance
> cameras.
>
> 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
> carts when they weren't looking.
>
> 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
> intervals.
>
> 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
> women's restroom.
>
> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
> 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.
>
> 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on
> layaway.
>
> 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
>
> 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
> shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets
> from the bedding department.
>
> 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
> and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
>
> 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
> mirror while he picked his nose.
>
> 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
> asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
>
> 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
> the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
>
> 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
> by using different sizes of funnels.
>
> 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
> yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
>
> 14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
> assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
>
> And last, but not least.
>
> 15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
> then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.