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...ignorance at its finest
Posted On 10/22/08 @ 07:29 am by SherAKiss

Recently my neck encountered the choke hold of a man I had been seeing on and off for over 4 years. We got into an argument and it progressed to violence from his end. There is a very close family member of mine who has been ignorant to say it was my fault (because I had given this coward of a man numerous chances back into my life). 4 1/2 years later, 10 stalking reports, and now an assault charge (with pics to prove the injuries), it is my fault? I got a TPO granted right on the spot, and it is my fault?  I am "guilty" of giving the relationship too many chances, yet that is not against the law. I am "guilty" of having low self-esteem, yet that is not against the law. I am "guilty" of being stupid for putting up with it for too long, yet being stupid is not against the law.  I am the victim, he is the perpetrator. He broke the law. So, yes, I am hurt I was told it was my fault. Go figures, coming from an ignorant man who once beat up my mother years ago. My example of how men should be? No wonder I settle instead of having what I deserve. So, now, I pick my dignity up off the ground and move on. My head held high, but my heart is crushed.  



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Viewing 1 - 7 out of 7 Comments

From: Hooch
10/23/08 @ 10:45 am

YES, THREE CHEERS TO BETTER DAYS, BETTER MEN, AND BETTER RELATIONSHIPS !!!


From: SherAKiss
10/23/08 @ 10:35 am

Thank you for clarifying your viewpoint. Unfortunately, our intentions are often unclear when it comes through the computer. I agree, I am to blame for letting it persist for way too long.  Anyways..on to better days ahead!


From: gr8pop
10/23/08 @ 09:44 am





[quote]I appreciate your "Dear Abby" type comment and you made some great points.....however, I am not sure Abby would have told me to take a little of the blame. Not the original Abby, anyway! I take a little of the blame in what I have done wrong....but I will not take any blame for being abused~~~ever! No woman should~~~ever! And, on the flip side, no woman should ever abuse a man either.  I know the difference between a good man and a rotten man and will be intolerable in the future. My head is overriding my heart...that is why I am moving on--Finally, for good.[quote]



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I didn't think you'd read my comment as implying that you should take a little blame for suffering abuse.  In no way did I mean to imply that.  I only meant that you should take a little of the blame for letting the situation persist as long as it did.  There had to be some choice involved.  You're the victim, obviously, and I apologize for not being more clear.  I also sympathize with your pain and suffering and hope that love, understanding and happiness finds you.


From: SherAKiss
10/23/08 @ 09:07 am


Hooch wrote:


There are two types of people I have NO respect or tolerance for:  Men who hit women; and women who abandon their children.  Don't EVER for a minute think that it was your fault.  You're right, you are the victim and he is just an asshole pussy who hopefully will get what he deserves in the end.  You keep your head up high sweetie, work on building your self-esteem, and allow your broken heart to mend.  The ten stalking reports speak for themselves in this matter.  I've let abusers have more chances than they deserved too, but the day I finally woke up and realized that it was THEM and not ME I was free from their grip.  Good luck to you, and remember.......you deserve nothing but the best.


Thank you, Hooch! It is nice to hear from someone who has been there and understands. Unfortunately, it took me so long to finally "get the picture"...so to speak. One day at a time is all I can do. Breaking out of that cycle is already a bulding block in my foundation of recovering my self-esteem, my life, myself. You seem to have turned out to be a strong woman with great advice and I thank you again. You are a block in my foundation!! :) 


From: Hooch
10/23/08 @ 07:40 am

There are two types of people I have NO respect or tolerance for:  Men who hit women; and women who abandon their children.  Don't EVER for a minute think that it was your fault.  You're right, you are the victim and he is just an asshole pussy who hopefully will get what he deserves in the end.  You keep your head up high sweetie, work on building your self-esteem, and allow your broken heart to mend.  The ten stalking reports speak for themselves in this matter.  I've let abusers have more chances than they deserved too, but the day I finally woke up and realized that it was THEM and not ME I was free from their grip.  Good luck to you, and remember.......you deserve nothing but the best.


From: SherAKiss
10/22/08 @ 09:33 am

I appreciate your "Dear Abby" type comment and you made some great points.....however, I am not sure Abby would have told me to take a little of the blame. Not the original Abby, anyway! I take a little of the blame in what I have done wrong....but I will not take any blame for being abused~~~ever! No woman should~~~ever! And, on the flip side, no woman should ever abuse a man either.  I know the difference between a good man and a rotten man and will be intolerable in the future. My head is overriding my heart...that is why I am moving on--Finally, for good.


From: gr8pop
10/22/08 @ 08:12 am

Ouch...!!!  By sharing that, I hope you don't mind a little "Dear Abby" type comment from an old fart (me).

While you were being kind and hopeful (that you could salvage some meaningful relationship when the ingredients were questionable, at best), it appears your kindness and hope weren't appreciated.  I can see and understand that a family member would tell you it was your fault.  Is there a remote possibility that they're not "ignorant", or that they might care about you?  You did, after all, continue a relationship, when red flags were conspicuous and obvious.  It's good that you're moving on.  I'll add that anyone who beat up your mom ("years ago") should have been cut loose (or crushed) shortly after that.  Your heart will heal, but ... unfortunately ... it's connected to your head, and you've got to change the way your head operates.  When you tolerate abuse, you become an enabler, and you become complicit.  There are folks around who are decent, respectful and loving.  It's really only your "fault", if you're unable to tell the difference between the good folks and those you let get close to you with the hopes that they might change.  Take a little of the blame and try again.  Best wishes.

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