Tag: joke

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Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought
his
ashes home. Picking up the urn he was in, she poured him out onto
the patio
table.Then tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking
to him.

'Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me?
I bought it with the insurance money!'

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then
said.
'Herman, remember that car you promised me?
Well, I also bought it wit... Read More

         Joe Legal vs. Jose Illegal
 
 Here is an example of why hiring illegal aliens is not economically
 productive for the State of California ...  
  You have 2 families..."Joe Legal" and "Jose Illegal". Both families have 2
 parents, 2 children and live in California .
 
 "Joe Legal" works in construction, has a Social Security Number, and makes
 $25.00 per hour with p... Read More

Some oldies here ... hopefully, still good for a laugh.

-John

==============

ANOTHER TOUCHING STORY

An elderly man lay in his death bed. Expecting to die at any moment, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted
himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with superhuman effort forced himself down the stairs, gr... Read More

Q.     What do you call a parent who teaches abstinence as sex education?     A.     Grandma!

* * *... Read More

The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil
>> (this is too cute)!....You don't even have to be
>> Catholic to appreciate this one.
>>
>> Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in
>> Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.
>>
>> One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she
>> was sleeping. "Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the
>> universe?"
>>
>> When Mary Marga... Read More

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you're not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!... Read More

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy biker bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw one of the bikers stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, & try his keys on five different bikes before he found his. Then, sat on the bike fumbling around several minutes, looking as if he might pass out right there. Everyone left the bar and rode off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer w... Read More

Priceless words . . .   A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees
is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed. He looks around the room and sees that
it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on... Read More

A filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women. At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the n... Read More

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman who is seated over there" and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed... Read More

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